But lately I've been struggling with the thought that maybe those other individuals are right. Maybe I do need to chill out a bit and stop worrying about what "could" happen. Maybe lightening up a little would be better for my children and easier on me. It would save me a lot of stress in my life not trying to uphold all the rules I've put into place.
Then, one day, I was speaking with a few of my friends and we were talking about the crazy things we used to do as kids. We then began saying that we'd kill our kids if they did those same things. But then one of my friends spoke up and said that she lets her kids do most things they ask but she tries so make sure it's done as safely as possible. She went into a story about letting her kids jump off the stairs into a huge pile of pillows and how much fun her kids had doing it. Someone then asked her if she was worried about injuries. She said she was but she didn't want to steal their childhood from them. (Nothing against her point-of-view because I feel each mother has the right to their own parenting style. The issue was about what I did after this conversation)
That conversation was all it took for me to really question my current stance on things. I began thinking how much fun it would be to jump off the stairs into a pile of pillows and how thrilled my kids would be if I let them do it! I began thinking about all the fun things I did as a kid, including sliding down the stairs, head first, in a sleeping bag!! Seriously, some of the best fun I had with my friends!!
I know one reason I'm self-conscious about this topic is due to the fact that Greg and Hannah are always telling me I'm too intense & serious and that I need to "have some fun". And I have to admit, before having children & becoming a mom, I was A LOT more adventurous and anxious about trying out new things. I had always wanted to go sky diving and hang gliding and things such as that. I loved that rush that came from trying new and daring things.
I decided it was time to try to "lighten up" and let the kids be kids. I didn't want to "steal their childhood" from them. I made a conscious effort to lessen the amount of times I told them what could happen "if..." and just let them be; just let them have fun.
I'm sad to say that it was only a few weeks later, when tragedy struck and the thought instantly went through my mind..."This is all your fault!! You allowed this to happen because you let others convince you to change what you knew was right!! You gave into peer pressure and now look what happened!!! You should NEVER have gone against your better judgement!! You should have stood your ground!! You ought to be ashamed!!!" :'(
Over and over these phrases and more rushed through my mind as my precious little baby lay screaming bloody murder in my arms, and I couldn't do one thing about it!! If only I could have taken her place. I would have done it in a heartbeat...but I couldn't! All I could do was sit and pray that the Lord would comfort Emma in her time of need and forgive me for my pride. I think having to listen to her scream for 2 hours was my punishment for "joining the herd" and following everyone else. I truly am so ashamed.
Allow me to share the story...
It was January 16th, and I was at the stove finishing up dinner. I had my back to the couch so I didn't see that Emma had climbed on top of it.
But the truth is, I wouldn't have done anything, even if I had seen her. You see, this was one area I had "lightened up" on. I was constantly telling Emma and Ellie to get off the couch or to sit down on the couch because I was afraid they would fall off and hurt themselves. I know that I shouldn't have given up but it seemed like a never-ending battle to keep them off of it. Finally, I told myself that this is probably one of those areas that I could let go of and just let them be. Just let them have fun. Just let them crawl around on the couch. Even though my mind would be freaking out..."What if she falls? What if she breaks her neck? etc. etc.", I wouldn't have said anything, for fear of "stealing their childhood" and causing them to be overly scared in normal situations. I would have just said a silent prayer in my heart.
Then I heard the thump, the gasp from Greg, and the horrific screams from Emma!!! The poor little thing had fallen off the couch, onto her left arm (she was attempting to catch herself), and the arm hyper-extended, which ended up causing a severe break to her humerus!
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| That bump is not her elbow, it's the bone that's poking out because it's in the wrong place...the completely opposite side of the arm than it should be!! :( |
After a trip to the Urgent Care w/ x-rays and a trip to Auburn Medical Center w/ 3 attempts at IV's we finally made it to our "should have been" destination...Seattle Children's Hosptial. They repeated the xrays, which was such a treat, but they did give her lots of pain medication.
She ended up actually completely severing the bone right by the elbow, and then must have landed on it, which twisted it 180 degrees. As you can see, the xray shows it too clearly and it made me cringe when I saw it.
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| In this xray, you can see the bone that broke off. The part poking out on the right, is actually suppose to be on the left side of the arm. Pretty gross, huh?!? |
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| Here's the xray of the pins they put in to make sure it heals correctly. Ouch!! |
Here are some more pics of Emma's accident...
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| A little blurry, but here's little Emma riding in the ambulance. She was so brave! She didn't cry once!! |
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| I think this pic kind of shows the type of day she had been through. Her little eyes are so puffy from crying. As you can see, they did put a brace on it so she'd be more comfortable until she got her surgery. |
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| Here's Emma about to go into surgery. This is the pic I took to send to Greg to let him know his little princess was about to go into surgery. |
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| This is just a typical Emma pose. I had to capture it for Greg. She's so funny...she always has to have one of her legs up on something. It made me smile to see her like this and to know that she'd be better soon! Moments after this pic, they rolled her away into surgery. Up until this point I was doing Ok. But then I realized I didn't have anyone to give me a big hug and tell me it was going to be alright. My phone was just about to die, so I couldn't call anyone either. So instead, I went to the cafeteria and got some food. I sat at my table, all alone, crying into my Chinese noodle salad. Good thing the surgery went well and only took about 45mins. I'm not sure I could have handled much longer! |
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| My adorable Emma after surgery. I walked around the gift shop looking for a special stuffed toy. When I saw this "little lamb", I HAD to get it. One of Emma's nick-names is "Little Lamb". I was so so happy to find that "perfect" gift to give her. It became her best friend for the remainder of our stay in the hospital. |
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| Perfect Timing!!! Of course, Emma had to hurt herself during the BIG Snow/Ice storm that hit Seattle. In this pic, the storm had just hit us. Let's just say, it made for a long drive home, when it came time to go. |
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| Here's little Ellie trying to be the best big sister and helping her injured twinner out. She really missed having Emma around...especially at bedtime. |
Well, I suppose what I'm getting at with this post, is that I'm so bummed that I second-guessed my mother's intuition. I knew what was best for my children and I allowed other's points-of-view to alter mine.
Sadly, due to my inability to believe in myself and due to my pride, my dear little Emma had to suffer with severe pain...so not fair!! I deserved to be the one in pain...and instead, the innocent suffered!! I can never make this up to Emma, but I'll tell you what, I have learned a valuable lesson...I'll never allow someone else to make me question the rules I have in place for my greatest assets...my precious children!
<3
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