Have you ever stopped to think about the importance of our expressions as parents to our children? Have you ever wondered if your expressions match up with what you feel on the inside, which could a good thing or a bad thing. Have you ever wondered if the messages your children receive by reading our facial expressions are accurate and reflect our inner feelings?
I am here to say that I have considered this fact but not to the extent that I should.
Let’s discuss the Still Face Experiment. In a nutshell, they have a mom and toddler interact in a very normal way. The child loves their mother’s facial expressions and reacts approvingly by smiling and laughing. Their bond is almost tangible as the positive feelings both are having flood the screen. Then the mother is directed to simply stop interacting and reacting to their child for two minutes. The mother puts on a straight face and doesn’t react if the toddler laughs, smiles, points, etc. Within seconds, the child recognizes the change and they feel something is wrong. They begin doing the normal things to get a reaction from their mother, then quickly turn to screaming and tantruming as a way to regain their mother’s focus. The toddler seems confused, lost and unsure of how to react to the change in their mother. The mother is then allowed to interact as normal after the two minutes. With relief the toddler returns to their normal interactions and communication style with happy sounds and a smiling face.
This experiment helped me to see that my facial reactions and personal engagement are much more important than I would have initially assumed. As I stopped to think about the experiment I jotted this down:
“I need to control my facial expressions, interactions, and attention in those moments given to me by my children. I also need to make time to have those bonding moments, no matter if I feel they are too old. They need that connection. They need that interaction. They need to feel loved and special and important and of worth!”
These were raw feelings and ones I hope to continue to grasp onto. Being aware of my over-reaction and/or underreaction to my children will be my goal from this day forward.
Allow me to share my favorite quotes from the informational The Still Face video:
“Babies this young are extremely responsive to the emotions and the reactivity and the social interaction that they get from the world around them,” (Tronick, 2016).
This statement helps me to see that even when children are very young they are constantly watching us, learning from us, and have a desire to interact with us. They are true to their selves and do not overthink how they should react. They simply react the way they initially want to without stopping to consider how it might appear to others. That fact is what makes this experiment so authentic and believable. The toddlers have no preconceived notion on how they’re expected to perform. They simply do what they’re feeling, without any barriers.
“Then, we asked the mother to not respond to the baby. [Mother turns away from the baby and when she turns back her face is completely emotionless.] The baby very quickly picks up on this and then she uses all of her abilities to try and get the mother back,” (Tronick, 2016).
My heart sank when I listened to the narrator describe the moment as the child trying to get their mother back. I wondered how many times I’ve disengaged from my children due to my own personal struggles and if they could have felt like they lost me, like I wasn’t coming back. This knowledge inspires me to become a better mom. One who is engaged and one who stives to not allow my personal struggles to interfere with the important connection I need to foster with my children.
“It’s a little like the good, the bad, and the ugly. The good is that normal stuff that goes on that we all do with our kids. The bad is when something bad happens but the infant can overcome it. After all, when you stop the still face, the mother and the baby start to play again. The ugly is when you don’t give the child any chance to get back to the good, there’s no reparation, and they’re stuck in that really ugly situation,” (Tronick, 2016).
Concluding with the idea of the good, bad and ugly really caused me to understand how some children feel unloved and left behind by their parents. If they end up in an “ugly” situation, then they may feel completely abandoned and lost forever to their parent. I cannot let that happen with my children. I need them to know that I’m here, right beside them, for the long run, and that I’d walk to Hell and back for them.
~Celeste
Additional information on The Straight Face experiment
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