How Can That Be?

Today I decided to be brave. To do something that I've been dreading to do for over 2 1/2 months. I've been putting it off because to tell you the truth I, in no way, wanted to know how it would turn out. I just knew it would be bad.....really reeeealllllly bad!!

But this morning I felt like I could handle the outcome. I could stand there face-to-face with it and not run. I could be strong and realize that there's only one way to go from here. Besides, I needed a good wake up call to help me head in the right direction. Something had to get through this hard head of mine!!!  And I knew, this would do the trick....BUT I feared it may push me a little too far...somewhere a person like me finds hard to return from. But again, it had to be done.

So, I headed into the craft/play room (this house is the same square footage as our last house but has one less room...so my craft room got combined with the kid's playroom...let me just tell you, I'm thrilled about that! jk) where the dreadful item is kept. I stopped to look at it, wondering if I could really do what I needed to do. I almost chickened out but I managed to stay focused on the goal. I MUST MOVE ON!!  I MUST GET A GRIP ON THIS!!  I MUST TAKE THE FIRST STEP!!  Off to the bathroom I went...enemy in hand!

I sat the dreadful thing on the floor and just looked at it. I slowly raised the cord to the wall and plugged in it...almost there...almost the moment of truth!!  Could I really do it?!?   I took a step back to look at the seemingly innocent item but I knew just how heartless the small gray square could be. I knew it could rip my heart out in a matter of seconds...take the breath right out of my lungs...throw millions of daggers at my heart. I knew it was ruthless and unforgiving. I also knew what I had to do. After taking a nice LONG breath in, I gently stepped onto it's center. I waited for what seemed like an eternity....watching the little digital numbers rising and rising!!  WOULD THEY EVER STOP!?!?!?  At last they did. I just sat there staring at the numbers and then stepped off. My mind was reeling, trying to decipher the information it had just gained. My brows furrowed...then I did what I never thought I'd do in such a situation...I stepped back on. Again the digital numbers, again the eternity waiting for them to stop...and again, my mind trying to make sense of the situation.  Could that be right?!?  Then something happened I didn't expect AT ALL....a slight grin formed across my face but was quickly swallowed up by a look of confusion. How can that be?

I'm sure by now you have figured out that I was dealing with my Nemesis, the digital scale!!!  Always my enemy...always!!!  Having dealt with eating disorders for many years of my life, I've come to truly, truly HATE scales!!! In fact, it wasn't til I was about to have my babies when I finally looked on the computer at the doctors office to see how much I weighed. I always turn around when they weighed me, so I couldn't see the results, just so I didn't get some mental reaction to the more-than-likely unfriendly number. But by the time I was as big as a house, the curiosity got the best of me!! I just HAD to peek. When I did, I was surprised...very surprised!! I almost had some sort of "I'm gonna stop eating" reaction but I was able to talk myself out of it very easily because I had to keep eating for my little miracles that were inside of me. So, for the rest of the pregnancy, I was fine.

At my 2 week appointment, after the babies were born (as I stated in an earlier post), I had only 1 "baby pound" to lose, when compared to the weight I was at my first visit. Still not sure how I did that one!!  Anyway, I was thrilled and thankful I didn't have to deal with "weight" issues.

Then comes the month of my babies in the hospital, the fact that we were moving 2 weeks after they were out of the hospital, the other fact that I would have no friend or family where I was moving to help with my little ones, then the ALWAYS DREADED unpacking!! It really freaks me out!! Stuff everywhere completely shuts me down mentally!!! Add all that to... sleepless nights, missing my friends/family, lots of babies crying, the two older kids crying because they miss their friends/family, Greg being gone on multiple business trips that seemed to last forever....and what do you get??

EATING!!! LOTS AND LOTS OF EATING... and not just regular food. We're talking yummy, yummy non-figure friendly foods that taste SO GOOD going in and have some unknown way of making the uncontrollable world around me seem not so bad!!  I found happiness in eating....like so many other Americans!

Well, I've been just freaked out about the amount of weight I was sure I had gained. I mean, my middle area is completely out-of-hand and I just knew it was from all of those "oh-so-yummy" Oreos!!  I began making small changes like...no soda, cutting back on the Oreos (only a half of box per sitting ;) and only allowing myself 2 glasses of super-yummy chocolate milk per day...(remind me to buy stock in Nestles Nesquick the next time you see me...and who says you only need 2 Tablespoons of the powder? I think it should be more like 4!!!)  But, I noticed several weeks in, that nothing seemed to be changing...well, changing, yes, but not in the direction I thought it would. I seemed to be getting bigger, despite the changes I had made. What's the deal?!? I was so bummed.

Then the Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge came along. I knew I needed motivation and I was hopeful this would do it. I also knew I needed to know where my "beginning" point was so that I could track my progress.....hence the dreaded scale!!!

Now this is where the confusion comes in...all you mothers out there who have gone through a pregnancy, advice or explanations would be greatly appreciated!  So, my very expensive, very accurate shipping scale (got it when I was on a major "lets sell everything on eBay" kick), told me that I haven't gained a pound!! NOT ONE TINY ITSY BITSY POUND!!! (Of course, it also told me I haven't lost any either...the pessimist in me) 

Again, I say...How can that be?!?  If I haven't gained a bunch of pounds then why is my stomach so big? I vividly remember early on thinking that I didn't have a huge stomach for just having twins. Yes, it was a bit saggy and squishy, but wasn't that to be expected? Now I look like I'm pregnant again...seriously...and I am not overreacting!!  Leave it up to Gabe to keep asking me if I have another baby in my belly!!  Love that kid!

So I'm thrilled with the results of the dreaded weigh-in but...VERY VERY confused!! Not sure what to think? Any suggestions?!? Anyone else dealt with this?  Anyone?