What is Friendship?

It's interesting how even at the old age of 38yrs, I'm still learning about this world around me. I'm still learning about people and how they function. Sometimes the knowledge I gain is wonderful and uplifting, and other times it's just not.

Recently, I've come to an understanding about friendships. Some friendships are meant to be forever...meant to be eternal. I wouldn't be surprised if some friendships we have now began in the pre-existence, where we bonded together, hoping we'd see each other again in our Father's presence.

Then there are other type of friendships. In looking back on life, staring with my childhood, I am beginning to see sometimes friendships are just convenient. Sometimes friendships are beneficial to one side or the other. And sometimes friendships just don't seem worth fighting for, which is hard when you might be the one on the other side of that friendship.

There are several situations that I've experienced where, now looking back, I wonder why I "endured" it. Why did I allow the supposed "friendship" to last as long as it did?  I don't have an answer...at least not right now. But I feel I've wasted a lot of time in several of these type of friendships.

A lot of my high school friendships were definitely only skin deep. Nothing that lasted too long because, let's face it, at that age there's too much selfishness. It's hard to stop and think about the other person in the friendship and what would be best for them. Many of my so-called friends from high school are my "facebook" friends but it's the same type of friendship. They don't know much about my family and I, what I'm going through, what good/bad things are happening in my life...unless I post them.

The other day I began thinking...if I stopped posting things about my life on Facebook, who would know what's really going on in my life? Who? Definitely not the "only skin deep" friends, possibly my "this is convenient" friends, BUT you better believe my "eternal" friends would know. Because they have invested enough time & energy into our friendship and they truly care about me, they truly care about what's going on in my life.

Friendship takes time, energy, desire, forgiveness, love, understanding, and most of all, unselfishness. I'm beginning to see that things such as Facebook, texting, email, even blogs like this, are only causing more "convenient" friends and separating us from one another.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this new found knowledge and this new understanding. I'm hoping it'll help me recognize the "convenient" friendships vs. the "eternal" friendships so that I can focus my attention where it needs to be...the eternities!

Logic vs. The Spirit

I just want to quickly say that The Spirit and logic can be complete opposites!!

Sometimes logic gets into the way and disrupts the Spirit's guidance BUT if we stop and listen to that still small voice, no matter how impossible the situation may appear, we'll know the truth.

How grateful for I am for this knowledge...especially now!

I am Thankful for...

So, I've skipped a few days but I still have lots to be thankful for. Here they are...

First, I'm thankful for the fact that my husband is off until next Monday!  He works so hard and deserves a long break...though this isn't long, he takes what he can get!

Second, I am thankful for disposable diapers. That may sound funny but when you have two toddlers on suppositories and Miralax to help get them unconstipated, it's 100% truth!!

Third, I'm so grateful that I have two adorable 16 month old twin girls today!!  I can't believe they are that old. I know all moms say that but it's just so true. It just seems like yesterday that my water broke...in fact, it just seems like yesterday that I gave myself my first shot toward getting pregnant.  How fast time flies!! How quickly the moments go by!! I'm so grateful that I'm desperately trying to "live in the moment & find joy in it"!!!  I want to be happy in my current season, instead of focusing on the past seasons (glory years) and the future seasons (when things will supposedly be better or whatever).   "FINDING JOY IN THE JOURNEY!!"  :)

Fourth, I'm so grateful that the night before last, my little Emma kept me up until 4am!! Again, this sounds weird but let me explain. Emma was crying and crying and crying!! I tried everything but nothing worked. Finally @ 3:30am, I got to the point where I just scooped her up out of her crib and brought her to bed with me.

Now, I'm not one who can sleep with a baby next to me (I'm fearful of smothering them or something) so I didn't even attempt it BUT I thought maybe I could get her to go to sleep. As I lay there with her snuggled into my body, my arms wrapped around her and her adorable head near my shoulder, I swear I felt like I was in heaven. I couldn't believe the feeling of comfort and deep love that filled my soul. I could tell she wasn't asleep because she kept rubbing her little hand on my arm. I think she was enjoying it as much as I was. I wanted to stay in that moment FOREVER!! 

But at about 4am, she started wanting to crawl around the bed so I had to put her back into her crib but as soon as I crawled back into the bed, without my precious baby, I instantly wanted to go back and pick her up again.

In fact, last night I almost went into her room, while she was sleeping, and scooped her up again. With her already asleep, I knew she would sleep for a while at my side. But since I was sleep deprived from the night before, I opted to just get some rest.

I wouldn't put it past me to do it tonight though  :)

I am Thankful for...

Today I am thankful for the good friends that Hannah surrounds herself with. I'm so happy that she realizes, even at the age of 11yrs, that her friends will influence her for good... or for bad.

Hannah had a "friend" birthday party tonight and I was just amazed that the wonderful girls she invited. It's moments like this when I realize that the future is bright for our church & country (a few girls were not members of our church, but are amazing followers of Christ) and that Satan will never win!! 

Sometimes when I look around the world, especially if I'm watching the news, I become terribly sad at all the bad things going on BUT I have to keep in mind, that as the bad are getting more wicked...the good are getting more righteous!!  I'm go grateful for that knowledge!!  :)

I am Thankful for...

Just an FYI...this was suppose to be yesterday's post BUT with all of the celebrating, I never got to it....so now, it's my thankful for today!  :)


Today I am thankful for my daughter Hannah. She is such a wonderful light in my life!  Yesterday she turned 11yrs old, which I CANNOT believe.  How does that happen?!?

I'm so so thankful that my Father in Heaven entrusted me with such an amazing and special spirit. She teaches me how to be a better person...everyday!!  She's such a wonderful example to me and to her endearing siblings.  Speaking of siblings...can I just say how AMAZING Hannah is with her little (over-active) brother and her twinner baby sisters!?!?!  I can't wait to see the wonderful mother that she becomes....her children will be so blessed by her, as I am!!

I can honestly say, I don't have a clue where I'd be without Hannah. When she came into my life, I needed her desperately!! She truly was my miracle!!  To state it simply, she saved me!!  Oh, how loving and gracious our Father in Heaven is, to send one of his choicest daughters down to a woman who in no way deserved her...to a woman who was lost and found herself in the beautiful face of a newborn miracle!!

I can never give Hannah as much as she's given me.  She is my everything!! <3

I am Thankful for...

Today I am thankful for finally finding out the reason why my tiny little Ellie, is so tiny & little!  I'm so glad that its an easy fix and that we don't have to do any more testing.

I'm so grateful for something as simple as an Xray machine, which I'm sure most of us take for granted, because that's all it took to FINALLY diagnose what the problem is. 

You may ask..."Is it really possible for a baby to be extremely constipated for almost an entire year?!? For her to be extremely tiny because her body is not at all digesting the food she's eating because her body's just squishing it past the compacted stuff in liquid form?!?  Is it possible that a pediatrician can be so oblivious to the obvious signs, even when I'm constantly expressing concern?!?"

And to all of those questions, my answer is..."Yes!" 

In fact, when she was just a few months old, Ellie got really constipated and I took her in several times for it. Once the diarrhea started, they assumed she was all better....guess not!! :(  Poor little thing...I feel so bad for her!!

The only good thing about this situation, which consists of lots of suppositories, lots of Miralax & lots of very messy diapers, is that Ellie doesn't have to face it alone....Emma is also extremely constipated! 

Oh, the fun!!!

I am Thankful for...

Today I am thankful for having an evening with my family. I'm thankful that the Sabbath day is set aside for worshipping our Savior and for spending time with our loved ones. How grateful I am!!