"Let Go and Let God"

On Monday the 5th we found out for sure that we're having twin girls. There was a part of me that went..."really?!?" because, as I've said before, we were positive that there was a little boy in there. Now, before I get into my "deep-thinking" mode, I want to clarify that I am in no way "disappointed" to be having twin girls, infact I'm thrilled by it but it really made me take a major step back to review the situation. I love dressing up little girls!! I can only imagine how much funner it is when I'll have two to dress up at the same time!! Can't wait!!!

Now for the "deep-thinking" part of this blog. The reason that I'm bothered that there wasn't a little boy in there is mainly because that means there's a little blond boy out there somewhere that's coming into our family. That thought freaks me out because we're getting old and we don't have much time to keep adding kids into our family. Another reason it freaks me out is the thought of being pregnant again (I've vowed to never do this again), though he might come into our home via adoption but that's not how I understood it.

Let's put this into perspective...at the age of 32, I only had one child. At the age of 36, I will have four children. If there's another little boy out there, along with our little Asian girl that we know we're suppose to adopt, that will make a grand total of SIX KIDS by the age of 40 (ish). That's a HUGE leap in children within a few short years!!!!! THE THOUGHT FREAKS ME OUT...REALLY FREAKS ME OUT!!!

I guess at times like this I just need to "let go and let God" as they say in the South. He's obviously in control because Greg and I have submitted our will to His. I just wish I could see into the future so I could see how this all works out!! I know it'll work out perfectly, as it always does when you let the Lord lead your life, but I'm a little impatient now that I completely misunderstood what he was trying to tell me. I guess I could look at it as, we'll have a VERY productive next few years!!! I seriously can't wait to see how this whole thing turns out...how our family turns out!!

Oh, one more little bit of info about our twins that we found out of the 5th...they are measuring 7" (head to rump) and weigh about 8 oz each. They are exactly the same size and weight...how cute!! They already want to be just like each other. And since they aren't identicle, I'm very curious how each of them will look...another thing I can't wait to see how it turns out!

Here's to the future!! :)

Ultra-sound Results

Today we went to the doctors and of course, had another ultra-sound. I was somewhat worried about this Dr. visit because I had only felt one of the babies move and not the other. I was freaking out thinking maybe they'd only find one heartbeat. I'm glad to say that I was wrong...Yippee!! Both babies are doing just fine and growing well. We go to a specialist on Monday, for measurements and stuff, and it's then we're suppose to find out what the sex of our babies are. Well, I asked my doctor if he had any ideas on the subject. He looked around a bit then finally said that he's pretty sure on what Baby A is but not Baby B because Baby B was in a funky position. Greg encouraged him to keep checking on Baby B, which he did. But again, he had a guess but wasn't at all sure if it was correct or not. At one point he asked us what we thought they were and I said a boy and girl. He then got a smirk on his face. I instantly said, "Don't tell me it's two boys!" He then turned to Greg with an even bigger smirk. My heart about dropped to the floor. Then he turned to me and said, "April fools!" I about hit him because I seriously need another little girl to dress up and put bows on!! So, after his little joke, he went on to tell us that he's pretty sure Baby A is a girl and he thinks Baby B may also be a girl. My first thought was, "that can't be right! I'm having a little boy as well!" But then, I held to the fact that he really was guessing on Baby B because he couldn't get a good look. Greg's face went blank when the doctor said two girls. He really really wants a "Zachary"!

The doctor could probably sense the mood in the room (since he didn't see a boy) and he explained to us that those who specialize in reading ultra-sounds go to 3 more years of school than he did, specifically focused on ultra-sounds and how to read them...and that's why they live in Park City and he lives in the valley. I think he was trying to calm us down and at the same time let us know that he could very well be wrong. I sure hope he is wrong! If he's not, I will really have to figure out how my interpretations could be so off. The dreams seemed so obvious and clear...never two girls, always a boy & a girl! How could I misunderstand?

Anyway, thought I'd share the limited news that I got from today's visit. I know that Monday's visit will be much more productive and we should know for sure what we're having. I haven't given up hope on our little Zachary!

Will I EVER Feel Well?!?

Beware: I'm going to have a little pity-party for myself, for a moment, because I'm just so tired of not feeling well. This past week has been a big step back in time, I've felt similar to my 1st trimester. And then today I wake up and I feel like there's no way I'm ever going to crawl out of bed. But of course, try telling that to my 9 yr old that has to get off to school and my 3 yr old who has to eat and watch his cartoons. Stay in bed? Yeah right!

So here I am propped up at the kitchen table, with my Diet DP (for my MAJOR wont-go-away headache), waiting for nap time. How much longer? We're down to only 3 hours!! Yes!! (trying to stay a little positive).

For those of you out there who have gone through pregnancy, especially multiple times, I am in awe of you! I can't imagine ever doing this again. And I know, it'll all be worth it in the end...holding my two little ones, I know & I can't wait...but it's just so hard to imagine going through all of this again, you know? I feel like someone has invaded my body and taken it over...

• My head won't stop hurting and my Dr. ordered me to just drink some caffeine. Now for those of you who know me, I don't drink caffeine. I haven't for about 6 yrs now. But I did what I had to do and followed his counsel. Now here I sit re-addicted to caffeine and will once again, have to go through the withdrawal process after I have the babies. For those of you who have either tried or have stopped drinking caffeine, you know what I'm talking about. NOT FUN!!
• My digestive system is in complete disarray! It only works when it wants to and causes nothing but problems most of the time. When will I ever be able to just eat & drink what I want?!? All I ask is to be able to drink a glass of nice cold water without my stomach freaking out on me. IT'S WATER!! Why is it causing problems?!? Or bacon....yummy, yummy bacon. I can't wait until I can eat it again. How can one live without yummy bacon every now & then?
• My face is breaking out like I'm a 16yr old in high school. Not sure why cuz most women say they clear up when they're prego...but not me. Of course not. Maybe it's cuz I've never really had much problem with my skin so my body-snatchers thought it would be funny to give me a taste of what it's like to have awful skin.
• Then there's my poor hair. It's just falling out and breaking off all over the place. My scalp is extremely dry and so is my hair. Nothing nice about it right now. And tonight I'm going to Maryanne's to get it re-colored. I hope it doesn't all go up in smoke cuz it's too dry for the process. So, if you see me over the next couple of days with major short hair, you'll know why.
• And finally there's my body. Not only is my stomach getting large, which is expected, but other areas of my body seem to be going on strike...dry skin, fat face, potty breaks every half-hour, hurting feet (because I do so much) and stuff like... always being exhausted, not being able to sleep through the night, feeling like my arms and legs weigh a ton each, and a trip to Walmart sucks all my energy out of me for an entire day...it's just all so crazy!!

Ok, so I feel better now. I just had to get that off my chest. I had to feel like someone cares and is listening. And again, I know all of this will be worth it once the little ones are here and I'll probably feel bad for complaining but I seriously can't believe this process is so difficult. It's unbelievable!

Pregnant Pics!

So, I finally broke down and allowed Gregor to take a couple of pics of me and my ever-growing belly. I know that I would be really sad if I had never taken any during this pregnancy. And since I'm actually feeling "pregnant" and not just "fat", I thought it was a good time to do it. These pics were taken when I was 16 weeks & 5 days! Movin' right along! I do want to inform each of you that I began feeling baby A this past Saturday. It was just a little bop in my belly. And at church yesterday, I could feel baby A bopping a few times and even a soft little whispy feeling (like when you have a mystery hair that you keep feeling on your arm and it makes you want to rub the area cuz it kind of tickles...that's how it felt.) It was really cool but the baby wouldn't perform when Greg tried to feel it. I think I may have felt baby B yesterday in the evening but I'm not 100% sure, so I'm not counting it. But I'll keep you posted about baby B...hopefully soon! Here's the pics....


Not the hottest pics of me, I know, but I did it anyway. I'm sure there's some of you out there, including myself, that never thought pics of me pregnant would ever exist!! Pretty cool!! I'm so grateful for this miracle!! Two sets of ultra-sounds next week....can't wait!!!

A Quote For Our Times

At church this past Sunday, the lesson given included a quote that really struck a cord with me. It is so true and if our government would abide by it, a lot of our issues, as a nation, would be solved. Here's the quote...

President Ezra Taft Benson..."The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."

As the "progressive movement" continues on in the White House, I can't help but think what this basic knowledge would do for our nation.

Maybe I'll mail President Obama the quote and see if he likes it :)

Eating at 11:30 PM!!??!!

Ok, so you might wonder why I'm sitting at my kitchen table eating chicken and tator babies at 11:30 pm and all I have to say is....I'M STARVING!!!!

I couldn't sleep because my thoughts kept going to different types of food and different places I love to eat....Warren's fries, El Matador's entire menu, McD's Big Mac, etc....I just couldn't stop!! And the more I thought about each food item the more hungrier I got!! My stomach was doing twists and turns because it was so hungry. Finally I crawled out of my nice warm bed (and I didn't get a nap today so I really wanted to be sleeping) and found myself elbow deep in the refrigerator looking for something yummy to eat.

Now this is a great step for me because lately nothing has been sounding good. The thought of most foods would make me literally gag! I've been living on almost nothing because food has NOT been my friend. I'm not sure if this is a sign of things to come but I'm hoping so. It all started when I was cleaning up from Hannah's after school snack...she had Froot Loops (yes, nice and nutritious, I know). As I was closing the bag, which only had a small handful left at the bottom, I got a whiff of the colorful fruity cereal. My mind starting going crazy...THEY SMELLED SO SO SO GOOD!!! Better than anything, really! So, for the next little while all I could do was sit on the couch and smell the Froot Loops within the bag. I looked like a horse with it's feeding bag on...completely pitiful!! I had Greg bring me home a new box, which was heaven. I nibbled on a few, smelling each one before I put it in my mouth (the blue ones smell the best) and to my surprise, they seemed to sit fine on my stomach. From there I moved on to strawberries....YUMMY!! Then it was time for bed...and now here I sit chowing down on chicken!! I guess, if this is a sign of good things to come, I can credit my YUMMY YUMMY Froot Loops with my change in appetite! Those little, yummy, colorful, tasty, fruity circles are a life saver. I think I may buy stock!!

Anyway, tomorrow I'll be 12 weeks. I'm free and clear to speak openly about being pregnant with twins (yes, if there is anyone out there who hasn't heard yet...TWINS!! Holy Cow!!). Gregor wanted to be cautious (wait until 12 weeks) and for the most part, I think I did a decent job of not telling everyone. It's been a very very rough pregnancy so far but, as I've said, I'm hoping this midnight feeding is just a sign of good things to come!!! :)

Yes, I'm still alive...barely!

I just wanted to let all of you know, who are wondering if I fell off the face of the earth, that I am still alive. Not feeling the best lately...hoping to improve in that area within a few weeks or so. I have tons to blog about and can't wait for my energy to return so I can do just that!! Keeping my fingers crossed!!!