Up and Running...Again

I absolutely LOVE the weather here in the Seattle area.

LOVE the rain! LOVE the drizzle! LOVE the overcast skies! LOVE IT ALL!!

And since I love it so much, I've decided I need to get out and enjoy it!

What better way than to go for a run!

It's been a long time since I've "gone for a run". I tried to become a "running junkie" along with my friends in the "Land of Eagles" but I didn't find it very fun. Infact, it was more of a chore than anything else. It almost took the same amount of energy to convince myself to go for a run as it did to actually do the running. I have now decided it was due to the lack of "I love this" scenery that the Land of Eagles offered.

Now there are some who find beauty in dry looking mountains, sage brush-as far as the eye can see, road kill-lots and lots of road kill, and nothing much else...but I didn't. So, there really wasn't much there to motivate me to go running and enjoy what nature had to offer. BUT NOW...I'm in the type of surroundings I ABSOLUTELY LOVE so why not give it another try? Right?

Well, that's what I did tonight. I tied on the old running shoes and gave it a whirl. Since Greg was not home, I decided just to run around our "loop", as they call them here, so I could stay really close to home. I only ran a mile, so I could go and get the kids into bed, but it was the best mile I've ever ran! It felt so good! The air was so nice and crisp and the scenery was beautiful (I REALLY REALLY like our community...it's so pretty!) and now I can finally say, I understand why people like to run...or even LOVE to run!

It's so funny how one short little mile can change a girl's perspective. It went from "this is tiring exercise that I really can't stand" to... "bummer!! I have to go get the kids in bed. Cant wait to do this again tomorrow and for MUCH MUCH longer!!" I only got to run a few minutes but it was so wonderful :)


So, to all you runners out there that I could never fully understand, I getcha now!! I understand!! You know, I'm almost ready to commit to my first 5k or 10k!!

Ode To My Beloveds...

Ok, so I know this may sound a bit unbelievable seeing how I was pregnant with twins BUT when I went to my 2 week appointment (after having the babies) my total "baby weight" was only ONE POUND!! That's it!! I had gone in expecting 20lbs and told myself if it was less, I had reason to celebrate so when it turned out being only 1 single little pound, I was completely ecstatic!! How did I ever manage that?!?

Well, I wasn't sure how I did it but I was thrilled that I didn't have to "work off" tons of baby weight, though I had decided to add 10lbs that I gained from the invitro drugs onto the 1lb...giving me a grand total of 11 lbs I wanted to lose. Then I got sick with mastitis, which brought my grand total down to an amazing 5 lbs!! I was like...this is easier than I thought!!! Woo-whoo!!! But I do have to admit, my body was carrying the weight differently, which I wasn't thrilled about. My belly was much bigger than it used to be!!

Fast forward to the here-and-now....I'm not sure how much I weigh because I don't have a scale and I haven't been back to the doctor since the whole mastitis mess BUT I have a feeling that my "gotta-lose" weight is much higher than it used to be. Why, you may ask?...Oreos and Red Vines!!! I'm not sure what changed in my body after having my beautiful miracles but it now CRAVES sugar CONSTANTLY!!! If I'm up in the middle of the night feeding the babies, I'm also feeding myself...sugar! It's really getting out of hand!! I'm not sure if this stems from the stress of moving and dealing with new born twins or if my body has somehow been altered to require Oreos and Red Vines!! I tell myself that today's gonna be the day... the day I stop the addiction... the day I go into detox... the day to turn over a new leaf... but then I walk into my pantry (which I love...it's HUGE) and there they are waiting for me!! And so of course, I dive right in.

The other night I was watching The Biggest Loser and there I sat Oreos and Red Vines piled on my lap. I glanced down at one point and thought..."Isn't that ironic? If I don't stop this obsession, then I may have to become a contestant on this show!!" BUT that didn't stop me. Not sure what will...hoping to figure that out soon!!

As for now, I've decided to start exercising to help counteract all the calories I'm shoving into my always-open mouth. I do like the weather here, so I've decided to tie on the old running shoes and give that a try. If not, I always have my trusty eliptical that just sits there collecting dust. AND I also have Wii Fit that I purchased to use during my pregnancy but never did because I was either sick or miserable. So, I have options... I just need to utilize them. And as for now, I'm SO SO SO grateful I'm breastfeeding because if not, I'd weigh even more I'm sure!

Hmmmm....I wonder if I'm causing Eliana and Emmalie to gain an addiction to my beloved Oreos and Red Vines? If so, we can all enjoy them together until I get up enough strength to let them go.....

Ode To My Beloveds...Oreos & Red Vines...

(allow me to quote from a song that went through my head last night...literally)

Here I am at six o'clock in the morning, still thinking about you...my yummy Oreos...

It's still hard at six o'clock in the morning, to sleep without you...my scrumptious Red Vines...

And I know that it might seem to late for love...dear sweet ones...

All I know...

I need you now...little round crunchy cookie...

More than words can say

I need you now...long slender Red Vine...

I've gotta find a way

I need you now...long slender Red Vine wrapped around little round crunchy cookie...

Before I lose my mind...I think I already have...

I need you now! ...heading toward my pantry...

(Alias 1990)

Need I say more?!?

..."it really doesn't rain a lot here"

Yes, you heard me right..."it really doesn't rain a lot here." Now why would I say that when I live in the Seattle area? Well, I DON'T!!! All the natives/locals do. I was warned by Greg that the people who have lived here for most of their lives, have convinced themselves that it doesn't rain here...a lot. I couldn't see someone actually saying that because IT'S TOTALLY NOT TRUE!!! But then at church, I heard the famous words and I just stood there staring at the girl, thinking...REALLY? ARE YOU FOR REAL? I politelytried to disagree with her but I found myself, once again, trying to be convinced that it doesn't rain here...a lot.

Let's analyze this statement for a second. We've lived here...what...2 1/2 weeks. And out of that 17 days, it's rained probably 15...well, let's say 14 just to give the natives the benefit of the doubt. So, if my math skills are correct, which they may not be since I've been out of highschool FOREVER (2o yr reunion coming up in 2 yrs...YIKES!!!), that means it's rained almost 83% of the days we've been here. THAT'S A LOT IN MY BOOK!!....not that I'm complaining because I totally LOVE the rain!! :) :)

Now, you must be wondering, as I was, why someone, who has been living through the same rainstorms as I have, would say that "it doesn't really rain a lot here". The key words in the sentence is..."a lot." I noticed that each time it was spoken, the word was accented more than the rest of the sentence. Why? Why, I say? Why would they not consider 83% "a lot"? No need to stress your brain out any longer...I'm about to enlighten you as to "why".

But first, let's have a little fun :)

IF...I were a politician and I said..."it reeeaaally doesn't rain aaaa-lot here.." (dragging out the words) what would you be thinking? Ok, just imagine Palosi or Obama saying it...maybe that'll be the what you need to invision...got it?!? Do you get why they think it doesn't "rain a lot here"?

For those of you who trust politians, this exercise might have been a bit difficult for you so allow me to now "enlighten" you. The way they phrase the sentence is somewhat truthful, if compared to places like Houston, but it's VERY deceiving. I call it "misleading". When they say "a lot" they don't mean frequency, they mean amount, though anyone who's not following in the steps of the current leadership of this country, would assume frequency. Once the light went on in my head, I went on to clarify..."So you mean it doesn't rain a lot in terms of the amount of rain not in terms of frequecy, right?" When I said those words, I noticed a somewhat confused/startled look on the lady's face....how did I ever see past the clever design of her sentence? Now I'm going to have to force her into admitting that it actually DOES rain A LOT here. She managed to mumble out an agreement to my clarification, to which I also didn't totally agree. I went on to tell here that coming from Utah it rains "a lot" in both frequency AND amount here...I mean there's moss growing on EVERYTHING, for heaven's sake, and slugs the size of baby kittens!! It's very wet here!! They may not receive major downpours but it's constantly dizzling!! She couldn't disagree with that so the conversation ended with a bit of annoyance on her part.

I think the next time a local tries to convince me that the Seattle area doesn't rain "a lot", I think I will respond as follows...."Really? Then why do the Cullens live here?" That'll get them thinkin' :)

P.S. I'm keeping my eye out for Edward...and for Jacob, if he looks like the one in the movie! ;)

My Stages of "Mother"

So, I've realized a lot these past couple of months...since I've become a "mother of four". Allow me to share...

When I was NOT a mother...I was the BEST mother. I knew how to do everything. I knew how to deal with ALL situations that would occur with a child. I knew the things "to do" and all the things "not to do". I would share my wisdom with all who asked...and those who didn't. I was a fountain of motherhood knowledge...and I wondered why real mothers didn't have the knowledge and know-how that I had. I mean, they didn't seem to be doing much of anything right! I was flabbergasted by it all!!!

Then I was a mother of one...I had been given the opportunity to show off what amazing skills I had. To show off the amazing knowledge that I had been given, when so many others lacked. To show others just how if should be done. And to tell you the truth, I did a pretty good job. Hannah was slathered in the "what to do's" "what not to do's" "what to eat" "what not to eat" "what to wear" "what not to wear" and the list went on and on. I had my house and schedule on an amazing cruise control that just coasted along. "See how easy this is?" I'd think to myself, as I watched other mothers who still lacked the knowledge I had, plug along in their chaotic mess...maybe I could just teach them by example...what an amazing idea!! Of course, I'd share my knowledge by using examples of my current amazing life...I mean, Hannah was a product of my knowledge, right?...yet they still didn't seem to get it. They still plugged along in their "un-amazing" unorganized life (poor innocent kids)...maybe I didn't tell them enough times...I'll tell them again tomorrow! I'll consider it my act of service for the day!

Then I was a mother of two...I had been given another opportunity to show off my skills...this time, I could show mothers of multiple children, how it's done...piece of cake!! Well, to my surprise, my "amazing cruise control schedule" seemed to be a bit bumpy. My house seemed to be a bit on the bumpy side as well. What was going on? I still managed to keep some of my platforms in place but others seemed to be slipping a bit..."a little more TV won't kill you, I suppose"..."Another brownie wouldn't either"..."Ok, stay up a little later, hopefully you'll just sleep in later"..."I guess walking on the furniture isn't that big of a deal" and the list goes on and on. Maybe I was being a bit controlling (go figure) and I just need to loosen up a bit. This isn't a reflection of my failure, or my lack of "accurate" knowledge, it's me growing and becoming a better person by letting go of certain things...I still have the knowledge and I will still share it BUT it may have a couple of disclaimers stuck here and there within it! But don't let my bumpy cruise control fool you...I'm still amazing...well, still KINDA amazing!!

Then I was a mother of four...that's right, you heard me...FOUR!!!...I had been given another wonderful opportunity to show off and share my skill...I can be an amazing example for mother's of twins! I can show them that their lives are hectic and out-of-whack because they need the knowledge that I can share...it has NOTHING to do with the fact that two more have been added to the equation. This time my cruise control actually malfunctioned. Not sure what happened to it!! I need to get it fixed ASAP though, or else those who I have enlightened with my amazing knowledge might think I'm lacking...I CANNOT LET THAT HAPPEN!!! Because the truth is, I'm not lacking, right? Ok, so the TV has become an amazing friend of mine. It'll babysit for me whenever I am in need, just like a best friend should. And those cookies in the pantry, they aren't to be rationed, they are good bargaining tools. They make the screaming & crying stop!! How can something that makes peace in my house be bad?!? And does it really matter if I'm in the grocery store with kids that are still wearing their PJ's and haven't combed their hair?!? No, it doesn't...it just shows that my children and I have amazing confidence. We don't care what others think of us. We have found true self-worth and aren't bothered by all of the scuzzy looks we're getting from the "before I was a mother" Mothers, the "Mothers of One" and the "Mothers of Two"...did one of them just say, "poor innocent kids"? Naw, that can't be. I'm amazing!!!! I have the knowledge that ALL mother's need even if they aren't aware they need it!! How dare they say that to "the amazing knowledge giver"!!! Then reality sets in...

I am a mother of four and it shows. My babies smell like nasty milk because I haven't had time to bathe them. My 4 yr old is camped out in front of the TV ruining his brain, snacking on something with tons of High Fructose in it. My 9yr old hasn't brushed completely through her hair in a few days but it's nothing that a ponytail can't fix...besides, if her hair was fixed her look wouldn't match the PJ's she's wearing and has been wearing for 3 days now. Last night's dishes are sitting on my kitchen counter...along with the night before's. Two loads of clean laundry sit piled on my couch...waiting to be folded...they will just have to keep on waiting because the babies are hungry again...of course. Plus they need their diapers changed...WOW, a couple of blow-outs!! Now they need their outfits changed. I might be driving a "life without cruise control" but my kids WONT wear pooped-on clothes. Ahhh...that's better...babies are fed, changed, and are now wearing nice clean clothes!! YES...a few moments for those dishes....OH WAIT...they just barfed all over their clothes...Darn that reflux!!!...and so the cycle continues....OVER AND OVER!!!

I wish I knew now, what I knew back then...My endless knowledge of how to be the perfect mom has somehow slipped from my mind...Any "amazing moms" out there willing to share their "amazing knowledge"? I'm ALL ears!!!

Farwell in 24

We're out of Eagle Mountain in just under 24hrs. We've been waiting for this moment for so long (Eagle mtn is not our favorite) but now that it's here, I feel really sad. Not about the city or the fact that it takes FOREVER to go anywhere, but I'm sad about the people. We loved our ward & stake and are going to miss everyone.

This moment is truly bitter-sweet!

Offended? I don't know...

So, the last little while I've been dealing with a situation that I have been trying desperately to not be offended by and yet, I think I am.

I realize that each of us are different and that we all have different ways to view life and our choices within this life but sometimes a situation comes along and I just cant, for the life of me, figure out why someone has made the choice they have made. Is it my business? not really, even if it did involve me but I can't seem to let it go.

I'm wondering if it's more "hurt" than "offended" or even a mixture of both, which really frustrates me because aren't we suppose to NOT be easily offended?

And then there's the "I know that person well enough to know why they made that choice" running through that head. And is that fair? Do I really KNOW why they made the choice they did. Maybe...but maybe not!

I think my issue with the whole thing is that I would never make the choice that the other person made. I obviously have a completely different view than the other individual. And if I DID make that choice, my intentions would not be a good sign to the other individual, which is where I'm struggling. What if they feel the way I would have to feel to make that decision? I don't think that's the case but what if?

I feel it's a case of "I don't have to do that. That would be very inconvenient for me so why do it?" And my response would be...."No, you don't have to do that BUT you also don't have to NOT do that because you feel imaginary pressure that you have to" (if that makes any sense).

Example: You don't have to invite your child's friend's little brother to your child's birthday party but the imaginary pressure (or our society) would say that that would be polite and you should. So instead you'd say, "Well, really I don't have to invite him. He's not my child's friend, really. He's more of a tag-along. I feel it's fair to just invite my child's friend without feeling bad for not inviting their sibling no matter how I know it'll make the little brother feel. It doesn't matter that they usually all three play together. So, I'm NOT going to do it just because I feel I have to do it..." to which I would say...."No you don't have to do it but you also don't have to NOT do it just to make a point". Kinda like the girls that choose not to wear a bra because everyone says they should. Does that make any sense?

So, anyway, I'm struggling because now I feel the walls forming around me to protect myself from what might be coming next from this person. I feel myself doing the separation thing, which really bugs me. I feel the annoyance setting in and I don't want to feel annoyed by this person. I feel sad because I think it was more of a selfish decision and that my feelings were not even considered. I feel very hurt because, again, I'd never make the choice they made. Nope not me...I just don't get it.

Poor me, I know, just wallowing in my own Pity Party. I just needed to vent. I needed to get it off my chest even if it was in very general terms. Maybe I'm hoping someone else has experienced something similar and has wonderful advice for me...because I really do want to move past this...but I can't seem to!

Gymnastics

Today after my weekly Sunday nap, I laid in bed and watched my little girls just tumbling around in my belly. It was sooo amazing!!! I can't believe how blessed I am to be able to experience a miracle like pregnancy. I'm trying hard to enjoy this experience and since I've been past the 1st trimester I have. Yes, my feet are swollen, my knees ache, my head aches constantly, my ribs feel like I've been punched in them a few thousand times and my face is as round as a pumpkin but I'm still loving this experience.

It's just so funny how the Lord's timing is perfect. Maybe if I would have gotten prego when Greg and I had wanted to, I wouldn't value & cherish this experience as much. There's no way to know for sure but I'm grateful it's now and not then. Through the Lord's timing I've learned the value of just being called "mommy" when we were blessed with Hannah in our lives. I've tried hard not to take being a mother for granted. I learned that all men don't leave you when we were blessed with Gabe. I was so afraid of raising a boy. I was so afraid he'd leave me. But he taught me that there's nothing to be afraid of...he'll be mine forever...for eternity!

You might wonder why that's a fear of mine...I think it stems from two father's leaving me, my grandfather, who was pretty much my father-figure, dying when I was 12yrs old, my brother never being in the home...always in trouble, and a close male friend dying at a young age...not sure why I never feared Greg leaving me but that's always felt 100% solid....Funny how our minds work...anyway...

I'm just grateful that I know the Lord's directing my path and that all things that come my way are for my betterment. Though at times it can be hard to understand the whole picture, I have to just keep having faith that the Lord will guide me and that his understanding is far superior to mine. I've asked Him to lead my life, I've submitted my will to His and I have to believe all is for the best.

Can't wait for the next gymnastic performance from my little princesses!!